Thursday, June 25, 2009


Who Can I Run to is a thought that came to me one day when I was going through some hard times never imagining that it would or could get worse. Ultimately I know the one to run to is my heavenly father, yet I don’t I run or depend on everyone else mainly W who happens to be my man go figure right. Its funny for years I was extremely lonely all I thought I wanted was a boyfriend, I thought once I got one everything would be wonderful; but I was wrong, Things are much better but there is still apart of me that is empty, unsatisfied, and looking for something and he suffers for it because I try to fulfill it through him. at times I believe the void in my life is b/c of my lack of money, yes it would be great to have an abundance of it and not worry about how I will pay all bills due and provide food and shelter but that’s not it, I think it might be a lack of Christ in my life. Do I really trust God to do what he said he would do? Or am I to scare to step out and trust him? What ever it is I have to do something quick.

How does one step out a box when all they have ever known is that box? I talk a good game and seem intelligent but no one would ever guess that I am a fake failure with nothing to offer b/c I’m so afraid of failure I allow it to stop me from doing anything out side the norm. Is there more to you than meets the eye? Does your life paint a picture different from the one you know you can live but because you failed so much people just writes you off? well I know that I will be successful I just don’t want anyone to give up on me and feel that everything I say is just talk so I sometime feel that I’m in a race against time. Case and point I began this blog to chronicle not my fall from grace but my rise out of mediocrity to success, financial freedom, security, and trust but I was ready to give up before I even started b/c I was so worried about what people would say and all the what if’s that stop you from doing anything then my sister Yet said don’t give up but the thing that made me want to complete this blogging journey was from to ladies I don’t even know. their simple words of encouragement inspired me to keep doing something as simple as completing a task that I started so I will leave you with this thought: 1) don’t rush be patient what’s for you is for you: 2) don’t base your decisions on what you think other people are thinking and the what if’s just trust God because know matter what you are offering at least you are offering something and you never know how it might touch a person in a positive way thank you Yet, Miss Kitty, and Pretty Robotic for not being selfish with your compliments.

Sidebar Micheal Jackson died today...So Sad

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Will this Dictate or Define Me?

“That’s what happens when you don’t pay your rent”...she said smugly. How do I pick up my life and begin from this point? you're confused let me rewind, I did not pay my October rent but I thought that was okay b/c I was going to break my lease and move closer to the city for I had convinced myself that with the gas prices being at $4 a gallon, not getting home until seven in the evening and on top of that living check to check it would be okay to just give up and leave. Villas at Hampton; from the moment I saw the community I new I wanted to live there, even though finding out the rent was over eight hundred dollars should have stopped me but hey that did include the cable. I applied and got the apartment. my first month's rent I paid late and it was a roller coaster ride for five months by the sixth month I knew I had to get out I was constantly behind on my bills, worrying, worrying and living barely check to check if it had not been for God and my wonderful man I don’t know how I would have made it but we will talk about him later

So needless to say the last month I was there I did not pay the rent instead I looked for an apartment normally that would have been a easy task but not for me b/c my credit history was horrible it seemed as if anyone who took a chance on me got stung, every application I put in got denied but I could not give up b/c I had to get out of this place I only had a few weeks.. Thanks to some creativity on my part I finally got approved for a place. moving day is finally here but guess what its raining b/c of the rain my plans changed I thought okay I will just have to move tomorrow which was Saturday but of course tomorrow never came because when I got home the locks was changed. the next morning I waited for the rent office to open so they could unlock the door so that I could get my things when the manager got there she said 'oh you've been evicted' I said what everything I had was in there and that’s when she said smugly "that’s what happens when you don’t pay your rent"

Present day, trying to rebuild when all you thought you had was taken, things that can’t be replaced, pictures, clothes, and books, everything that I worked so hard to get ten years worth of belongings gone in a one hour time span. Now my mind is set on rebuilding my life not back to where it was before but better. But how do I pick up my life when all I seem to do is struggle? if you ever find yourself saying I don’t have anything watch what you say for you never have nothing to you literally have nothing all that time I thought I had nothing to show for my life until everything was taken and I realized I had more going than I thought. So take a moment and thank the Lord for the small things he has blessed you with that we take for granted. This blog is dedicated to my life’s journey out of mediocrity to spiritual and financial wealth. In the famous words of bug’s bunny THAT’S ALL FOLKS